Time vs. Money

What is essential to have in a life you love? If what bubbles up is “I don’t know,” you are in good company.

I offer a structured dialog to help my clients answer this question. This month I’ll share ideas to help you access what is at your heart’s core, and it starts with setting aside some time. What can also move you beyond the stage of shrugging your shoulders is being in the presence of someone who is listening.

Each of us is as different as a snowflake and I am awestruck that amidst the nuance of color and shape, five main pursuits show up.

Money is important because it helps deliver these pursuits into your life. And the inescapable truth—which we face when there isn’t any more left—is that time is more significant than money. Time has more to do with the delivery, though money is important.

What are these five pursuits?

Family and relationships. Of particular significance for parents is the desire to meaningfully intervene in the financial lives of their children. Some reach the heights of fulfillment when they can participate while they are alive, giving “with a warm hand.” For others it is in the form of a legacy gift. Grandparents yearn to fund the education of their grandchildren and adult children long to provide quality care for their aging parents.

An unburdened spirit. For many people this is freedom from financial stress and worry. It can be attained by saving enough to feel confident of a long and comfortable retirement, with no compromise in lifestyle, and no real concern about running out of money. Dig a little deeper into this one and you uncover the yearning to flourish into unfulfilled potential, the inkling that we haven’t done all we came here to do.

Living purposefully. The way I hear this phrased most often is, “I want to have made a difference.” Often connected to work and child rearing during the middle phase of our lives, it transitions to mentoring, grandparenting and volunteer activities in life after full-time work. I’ve discovered that in later in life it typically finds its expression along one of two paths: creativity or wisdom.

Belonging to community and giving back. Being able to make a meaningful gift to a much-loved school, church, or other charity is a source of tremendous joy to many of us. These institutions survive on such generosity and are able in turn to produce awe-inspiring concerts, provide educational opportunities to those in need, offer sanctuary and sustenance in houses of worship, nurture fragile children, and tend wounded animals among many worthy causes.

Sense of place/environment. I considered nurturing a love of place in my chidren and my students to be one of my highest callings as a mother and teacher. In Southern California that meant sandcastles and bodysurfing or early morning hikes before the sun blasted you on trails devoid of trees. Living here in the Pacific Northwest I marvel at the power of the ocean waves on the coast and the infinite spectrum of green here in Eugene’s emerald valley. For those who feel deeply connected to our kinship with Mother Earth, there is enormous satisfaction in providing for her.

Perhaps you felt a certain resonance with one or more of these pursuits. “To inspire” literally means to breathe. Then after that slow breath you thought, “well, that’s not gonna happen.”

The mentor for my financial life planning certification was a wise man. The late great Ed Jacobson told me, “Scratch a cynic and you find a broken heart.” In closing I’ll offer some thoughts for how to work with the habit of cynicism or self-limiting beliefs that you might have unconsciously developed to protect you from feeling broken-hearted.

People often put the cart before the horse here, meaning that they ask, “How am I going to get this done?” which is a step too far on the journey. The first thing to do is find out where the compass points, figure out the route, and then plan the steps to get there.

When crafting your pursuit, engage all of your senses. Make it vivid. Create visual images with words, watercolor pencils or a photo collage. Anchor it to a phrase or a physical object that captures its essence and can bring you right back to the feeling the pursuit inspires in you. These touchstones are helpful shortcuts around the detour of discouragement.

Finally, I share with you another gem from my mentor: reflected praise. Find someone in your life who can be a witness to your progress and express to you their enjoyment and appreciation at seeing you live a life you love. This is extremely powerful because it provides us a sense of “being gotten.” As Ed put it: “We have a very happy brain when it happens.”

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash